“Starting over is not a sign of failure, but a mark of courage – a willingness to give yourself and your life another chance” – Scott Stabile

In light of Woman’s month, I want to talk about the very sensitive topic of divorcing an abusive spouse.

Research has shown that violence between spouses happens to at least two thirds of all marriages and 95% of the victims thereof are women.

As a Family lawyer I get many cases of Domestic Violence between spouses whereby the wife wants to obtain a Protection order against the spouse to stop abusing her.  In many of these instances the wife wants to divorce but are too afraid to do and also end up withdrawing the Protection order as the spouse makes many promises that it will never happen again. Should abuse happen again, these women are too ashamed or humiliated to go to Court or the Police to complain about the abuse again. And so the vicious cycle of continuous abuse begins.

When the question is asked why they are too afraid to divorce the abusing spouse, the answers are mostly the same:

a)  “He said it was my fault and if I leave I will never find someone again”

b)  “ I am staying with him on behalf of our children”

c)  “ He threatens that if I leave he will take everything away from me including our children”

d)  “It will be a scandal in our family if I divorce him” etc.

Above are just a few of the many examples of excuses we as women use as to why we can’t get out a toxic relationship.

But here is the thing:

1. It is NOT love if your spouse abuses you and keep on doing so.

2. You are NOT doing your children a favor by staying in this toxic relationship.

3. You WILL be happy again, even if it is being alone.

4. Do not ever feel ashamed of being abused, TALK with someone to report it and get a Protection order. You will thank your future self for doing so.

5. Put yourself and your children FIRST and forget what anyone will say or think.

6. It's going to get harder before it get easier. but it WILL get better.

If you are afraid of the threats that you will lose everything you have if you leave, go see and talk to a Divorce lawyer so that you can rest assured that that it will not happen and be properly advised as to the steps to take to start the Divorce proceedings.

If you are too afraid to go out and see a lawyer, you can look at the following link that will direct you to our ONLINE DIVORCE page to start the divorce proceedings from anywhere:

www.quickdivorce.nvrlaw.co.za 

Yes divorce sucks, but making a decision to free yourself and start a new life doesn't.

If you need any assistance do not hesitate to call.